Hell is a Waiting Room in Jersey

Now that we've bypassed that uncomfortable business of making first impressions, we can get down to business. Small talk is not one of my strong suits, much like karaoke-ing, cooking, and arts and crafts. Sometimes I envision my personal hell to be a sterile white waiting room where you're forced to make excruciatingly awkward small talk with astonishingly dull individuals for, oh say, all of eternity. Yeah, that would suck big time.

Honestly, skipping the small talk was in everyone's best interest because when I get nervous you just never know what kind of mindless babble will spew forth. And then I'm just left with damage control, which generally involves some conspicuous eye darting action and impromptu escape route planning. It's all very tiresome. 

This brings me to my next point: learning to write coherently and succinctly. As you've witnessed above, I need major help in curbing the verbal diarrhea. It would be fantastic to be able to write posts that are entertaining and witty and insightful, but for now I'll settle for grammatically correct. Hopefully one day I'll be able to handle the big words and ideas with more finesse than "a profoundly retarded child petting a cat"*. Maybe when I grow up.  

Now, if only I can punch this jet lag in the face and get to sleep. One issue at a time, I tells ya. 

*Plagiarized from The Chem Blog because I still need the training wheels. And because inappropriate humor just tickles me to the bone. Yeah, I know, how gay.